i am packed in plastic; makes my life so fucking fantastic says: i never knew 105 sucks that mmuch hahah neo says: oh haha juz because of today lah i am packed in plastic; makes my life so fucking fantastic says: what happened? neo says: this woman like go scold me coz i was "blocking" her way coz i was holding the rail if i dont hold will fall down rite? then some oth guy purposely go push me coz he thought i purposely block her i am packed in plastic; makes my life so fucking fantastic says: diao hahahha life is fuckign fantastic on some days hahhaha omg see la now i cnt stop laughing lor hahahha walau neo says: haha, i feel damn embaressed then coz she scold damn loud u take 105 now? i am packed in plastic; makes my life so fucking fantastic says: yes i always did hhahhaa lol but yeah thats embarassing stupid woman
AND ANW THAT BLOODY STUPID VIDEO BLOCKED THE STUFF THERE LAH WALAU!
I mean thats how you can do well for art comp right?
i guess it must be but anw, the countdown is like in officially 7 days!
screamsfreakspanics!
HAHAHa. i must be mad
but i guess thats how life is... but today the moves were not entirely good i have to admit. on thurs i am training everything. and treating friday like competition. i am assured i will do properly now, bcos when you reach the end you shld give yr all and not like panic anymore. I am sure that even if II know i am ultimately lousier than other pple in art gym than the nationals and pple that train out of hpps that do better than me. and even if i am lousy, I will tell my self ONLY ONE THING:
ITS NOT ABOUT HOW PEOPLE THINK ABOUT ME... ITS ABOUT HOW I THINK OF MYSELF.
I BELIEVE THAT i WILL DO WELL IF I TRY HARD ENOUGH , WORK OUT MY BEST AND KEEP MY DETERMINATION AND COURAGE UP! BCOS I WILL DO WELL IF I BELIEVE IN MYSELF AND ITS THE TIME TO DO IT NOW. AND BCOS OF THAT, TODAY MY MOVES IMPROVED, like really really improved okay...
i learned front tuck to roundoff backflip to backtuck which is a quadraple connection. and did well for beam and floor today. connected the whole thing, see miracles happen to those that believe not those that try so hard and yet try being worried. if i face it properlu i will do well, I will acheive extraodinary results with a neat and clean routine for evey apparatus. i am gonna work my best for thurs this wk, give my full support to tramp comp tmr, and show the world I am no longer that shaaloow fright in gym anymore and always freaking out in my routines during comp cos I know I am gg to make the most out of friday and do my best!!!(: better than anything I ever tried to be(:
i am niot saying this to make myself believe it but truely I will give my all bcos I know I can acheive greater if I give it all, relax and make it look so bloody confident and make myself look so good that I won't fall and i will definitely succeedxD
with love to all to do well this week(:
Gillian-the new one that will never tuck herself under a shell and fear anymore for she will rise and stand strong to acheive to her fullest potential
truly, pain stops anyone from acheiving what they know they can, its hard really to try and get back what you want when pain has stopped u from trying...its hiding from yr true identity...
why?
u know u can do better but bcos of it, it makes you lose grip on the very things you held on to...
sometimes you wonder if perhaps its trying so hard that makes you lose it.
competition is in 10 days. if i don't make it, I want carnations on my grave and blue roses... if I don't make it through, I just want you to know I will always rmb you, and I will rmb the wonderful times you have been thru with me. every single one of you. my friends my family my coaches my teachers my buddies and best pals
sometimes I think I shld jjust give up right?
but its so hard really.
sometimes occasions tear you up really. its painful and then you don't know what to do about it and it doesn't go away. like when you want it to.
my calf muscles and the bone along the shin hurts like shit! I am sorry readers but i am gonna swear...
FUCK THE HELL OFF YOU BLOODY LEGS STOP GIVING PAIN AND LET ME UNLEASH THE THINGS i CAN DO IN GYM. STOP GIVING ME SO MUCH TROUBLE. COMPETITION IS COMING AND IF YOU ARE NOT WORRIED ANKLES I AM! SO LET ME HAVE A LITTLE RELIEF WILL YOU! GOD DAMN YOU ASS HOLE CALVES, HOW AM I GONNA TRAIN IF YOU KEEP ON GETTING IN THE WAY OF MY FULL POTENTIAL! IF YOU WONT DTOP YR CRAP I CAN'T GIVE IT MY BEST AND MY FLOOR EXERCISE IS SUFFERING DREADFULLY! INEEDABREAKTODOWELLSODON'TYOUGIVEMETROUBLE!!!???
Only You are my strength and tower my source of hope you fill my life with your radiantness you make me understand the meaning of joy and happiness as I stand here in awe of you(:
thanks for being there, you were my best source of help; you were the one who stood by me in the end(: with love, Gillian
Its a good quiz...
Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you. The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true. Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person. The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with? Your views on education
You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job. The right job for you:
You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy. How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying. What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel. Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
This is pretty interesting...
whats it like to ask your mum and then find out that actually...
you had a middle name, a few actually
my full name is actually Gillian Nicolette-Juliet Tan Lisi
if a picture speaks a thousand words, we've been speaking everyday...
I miss all the times we used to play catching, sharks, and whatnot in the sponge pit. I miss playing dog&bone and piggy back-catching as part of training. I miss sitting at the hard tramp with Paul and Mel. I miss climbing up the ropes, getting rope burn, and screaming/laughing as I let myself fall from the top of the rope. I miss laughing for 15 minutes for no reason at all. I miss being awed by Denise's vault routines, Jean's floor routines, Paul's tramp routines, and Jessica's flexibility. I miss not being able to differentiate between Nat and Noey and I miss watching those two twins do random stunts. I miss laughing with Fiona, laughing at Ann, and teasing Jess. I miss telling Melody she's crazy, and I miss Bao's single-toned comments. I miss the seniors leading us during conditioning. I miss the feeling of security with the seniors around. I miss the seniors. I miss Raffles Artistic Gymnastics Team '08 (and '07).
dedicated by Kelly Alexys Tseng its wonderful to know that someone else remembers things I missed too
:'(
I love subway cookies: DOUBLE CHOCOLATE CHIP(: ftwwww I will stuff myself silly till I can't dance nor flip due to an overeating of wonderway subway cookies(:
Do you know what it feels like Loving someone That's in a rush to throw you away Do you know what it feels like To be the last one To know the lock on the door has changed;
'cause if you jump I will jump too we will fall together from the building's ledge never looking back at what we've done we'll say it was love 'cause I would die for you on skyway avenue;
this is from Kelly, my lovely tramp senior. It kind of would be what I would feel when I have lost love, I guess...
but I have some lines to add
that
when you look back on what you have done; you might never have realized the world of regrets you have piled for yourself
when you know you can't turn back; its the part when you can never get back.
its sorrowful but it really brings the meaning, I guess?
this is a little quiz for a day of not sorrows but irritance.
My mum just jumped on me and poked poked poked at everything I did today. just GET BACK AND STOP INTERFERING IN WHATEVER I DO OKAY!!! walau, its like my life not yours ok!!!???
someday i will really move out and i swear move out and maybe MIGRATE FARFARFAR AWAY FROM THE NAG AT HOME!
~ten things i wanna say to anyone i feel like now
GO TO HELL shoo SHUT THE ---- UP! leave me alone stop bothering about whatever i do ok, its my life, remember! thanks for always being there when i was down(: I wanted to be there but I couldn't but i'll pay it back, i promise. its nice to know that you care i wonder if you even know of my existence there is so many things I want you to know... and i will never give up even if it takes you forever to know
~nine things about yourself
I am short(thanks a lot) I do gymnastics, I dance and enjoy shopping i have rebonded hair currently and I am secretly hoping that I could have beautiful curls I hate it when people always try to tell me what to do... I like to have fun and am not always thinking about STUDYING AND MUGGING pls note! I dislike fish I wish i don't have to study I don't want to be tied down by ahemahem people whihc makes me not go for what I want most I like nastia liukin alot.
~eight ways to win my heart
thru my stomach thru my brain thru yr words thru yr song you'll think I would even tell??? you should try a lot harder than ask me no way unless it really is don't be too hard on yourself
~seven things that cross your mind alot
gymnastics dance school work beauty sleep food friends and family
~six things I wished I never did
met certain... people watched some horror movies tried so hard to be friends with some people tried so hard in gym that I fractured my ankle witnessed people dying watching myself try to swim
~five turn-offs
poo other people's menstruation(but I can take blood you know...) smelly vomit spammers people who are backstabbers
~four turn-ons
accomplishments/acheivement in everything friendship family happiness L-O-V-E
~three words to sum up my life
bloody freaking complicated
~two things I won't die until I do
travel all over the world to witness the beauty of life continue to acheive in all fields of my life to my full potential
~one last confession...
welll, I have to say that I have always wanted to be the best but no one is perfect right so if I don't live up to my expectations , I will just ...
kill my self with an overdose of sleeping pills to sleep myself to death with no painxP
as a song I will sum up with from my confession is: a better way to die (:
It sums up what I think is somehow the way I always wanted to die.
a great video about determination and endurance, it should apply to me(:
let me tell you one thing... enough is ENOUGH so you better not mess with me unless you want to DIE. i am telling you now. ENOUGH SPAMS ENOUGH CRAP AND ENOUGH TRYING SO DAMN HARD TO IRRITATE ME! i have OFFICIALLY HAD ENOUGH SO DON'T YOU DARE STEP ON MY TOES OR HEELS ANYMORE OR GET IN MY WAY UNLESS YOU WANT TO DIE!!!??? got that.
i have tried to put things straight I have tried to get everything back and now that you sabotage my plans ruin my life tried to crash everything apart then let me tell you GET OUT OF MY ****ING WAY COS IF YOU DON'T I WILL PERSONALLY GO OVER AND GIVE YOU ONE TIGHT SLAP!
i HAVE TRIED TO ignore everything, tried to get on with my life, tried to avoid. and if you don't stop your ****ING crap, I will HUNT YOU DOWN AND BASH YOU. DONN'T THINK IAM WEAK BECAUSE IF I WANT TO, I WILL DEFINITELY MAKE YOUR LIFE BECOME THE MOST MISERABLE SHIT ON EARTH, YOU heard???
i didnt give a damn or bother about what you did, i stepped away, gave up and let you have yr league but if you try to step all over my head and break me apart and push me over the cliff. i will tell you
I HAD ENOUGH OK YOU BLOODY SHIT, YOU BETTER STOP TRYING TO MESS WITH ME OR YOU WILL GET IT. THATS IT. THATS THE END OF EVERYTHING. IF I TRIED SO HARD AND YOU DECIDED TO DOUBT MY BLOODY ****ING EXISTENCE, I TELL YOU, FROM NOW ON, DON'T YOU DARE TRY ANYTHING ELSE OR one step from here, i will JUST BASH YOU INTO A WALL!
get out off my life and don't mess anymore!
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
THE DAY WHERE THE EARTH TURNED AROUND ALITTLE MORE THAN ITS USUAL(:
well today was better, I have to admit...
we went to the YOG learning centre and its a little coldd, but I could take it anw. Nick, shuen and I had loads of crazy fun playing table tennis and chatting and whatever else so we had an enjoyable time.
and I brought wanshuen's book back today. well I sure learnt alot really through it. all that scheming and planning. hahah, it seems like a good way to settle stuff i guess? but oh wells.
and I went for ttraining today, it was really tiring and I felt sleepy which is pretty scary bcos this wld make you do moves like without concentration and you could... like could... break your ankle. :/
but I acheived two new moves today.(:
worth celebrating yeah. I could like do front tuck to front tuck connected (: and front somer twist 360.yay!
the floor routines were powerful too so I was pretty happy. perhaps some things are starting to turn up well? and bars was good cos I got most of the moves but anw, it was scary honestly the somersault and losing your grip but overall yeah, enjoyable and fun(:
perhaps out of the dark clouds there is a silver lining... but I think I have had enough forgiving, guilt and accusations by now.
this is sooo spasticcc
xD
10) "Because ... I could." This is how President Bill Clinton explained away his "sexual relations with that woman" to Dan Rather on 60 Minutes. Which might explain why he's so supportive of Hillary's new job. The secretary of state travels a lot, right?
9) "Because ... you're too smart." When Billy Bob Thornton left Angelina Jolie, his fifth wife, after an alleged affair with a waitress, he claimed it was out of sheer terror. "I was afraid of her. She was too beautiful for me, she was too smart for me," he told Dateline. "I felt so small next to her. I'm a scared person." Someday, this quote will appear in the Guys-Who-Blew-It Hall of Fame.
8) "I was brain-washed by Kabbalah." Technically, this wasn't Alex Rodriguez's excuse for sneaking around with the Material Mom. It's just the only way the Yankee's wife could explain it. "I feel like Madonna is using mind control over him," she told a friend. "I don't recognize the man he's become. He was a sweet, beautiful, loving husband and father. Today he's very cold and calculating."
7) "I'm special." Senator John Edwards issued a press release regarding his affair with former campaign worker Rielle Hunter. It read: "In the course of several campaigns, I started to believe that I was special and became increasingly narcissistic." Really? You mean those $400 haircuts weren't just your special way of stimulating the economy?
6) "All women look like Rubik's Cubes to me." Pablo Picasso went through women like he went through paintbrushes, and his longtime companion, Dora Maar, was almost driven mad by his infidelity. One night, while cheating on Dora with his lover Françoise, he defended his many affairs with other women by saying, "There's nothing so similar to one poodle dog as another poodle dog, and that goes for women too." He then went on to cheer up Françoise by telling her how fat she looked.
5) "Just doing my job, ma'am." Legendary Jersey boy Jon Bon Jovi claimed in 2006 that "infidelity is part of the job" for a rocker, though it hasn't scuttled his 19-year marriage to karate instructor Dorothea Hurley. "I've had my lapses with other women, sure," he told a reporter. "Welcome to the music business." What he was trying to say was "I'm a jerk."
4) "Umm ... charity?" When Eddie Murphy was busted with a transvestite prostitute in his SUV in 1997 in Hollywood, he claimed he had picked her up because she needed a ride. "It's not the first hooker I've helped out," he told tabloids. "I've seen hookers on corners and I'll pull over, and they'll go, 'Oh, you're Eddie Murphy, oh my God,' and I'll empty my wallet out to help." And by "wallet" he means ...
3) "I forgot the 12th step." It's not that he was addicted to booze or Bolivian marching powder. No. David Duchovny was addicted to love — the intercourse-with-someone-who-is-not-your-wife variety. After a successful 35-day stint in sex rehab, Duchovny reportedly told those close to him that he was ready to tackle some of his other personal demons that no other human could possibly understand ... like his weaknesses for air and water.
2) "I needed the high five." Though he tried to comfort —himself by spending $3,000 a month on Internet porn, Peter Cook, the underappreciated husband of Christie Brinkley, eventually broke down for a real live human: his 18-year-old assistant. What could have kept his libido in check? In a 20/20 interview with Barbara Walters, he said, "A little acknowledgment, a little attention, a little thank-you every now and then for my efforts." What about a puppy? Would a little puppy have helped too?
And the winner is ...
1) "Tonight, honey! I've got a headache!" When Caroline Kennedy opined that Barack Obama would be the kind of president her father was, she didn't say whether that would include a long list of executive affairs. JFK once excused his transgressions to former British prime minister Harold Macmillan by saying that if he didn't enjoy the company of a lady every three days, he got headaches. Just like a politician to put a new spin on the oldest excuse in the book.
really really retarded but it shld help you tell who is good and who isn't(: in guys
Monday, March 9, 2009
i am trying so hard to pick up the shattered pieces of glass that have fallen apart from the flakes of my flesh in my heart but its not working... the shards are unstickable, they break into much more tiny pieces when you try to out them back again, they become small little limp cracks that can never ever be mended...
why? when was it this hard and this painful? nothing is painless until now... i can never get back to my perfect memories? I hate this part right here... its the moment when u realise its broken forever.
so tired of going home to see that almost everyone is against me, so tired of school gym and dance, so tired of being someone i'm not, so tired of living the life people want me to live, so tired of being told what to do alllll the time, so tired of being told i am not good enough and trying to be good enough, so tired of messy friendships, so tired of having to retrieve mended parts of a relationship, so tired of trying ti acheive all the time, so tired of losing a part of me while searching for myself, so tired of frustrations, tears, anger and love.
I am just tired, there is nothing left to say, is there?
I ought to say this: i hate editing templates, its so HARD! ok. it never works at least for me in any case:(
but i think the world is crashing around me recently. events have been taking a toll on me and i am trying so hard to climb out of it but I can't. its hard to decribe really. I am not angry but a little discouraged, i am confused about the things i do. especially for things i don't want to think about. I don't understand why - is ignoring me. everytime, i feel i should just give up...
and in school, the test of friendship is always brought about. its hard to be part of a day without having to go through such harsh torment. I am not to say that i have had no friends by my side since I do have them and they always try to be there for me but its hard to get on with the past. It hurts everytime I think about it.
its not easy to be near smart people. I am consistently brought about clearly and subtly that I am not good enough in sports and school. and my parents are always trying to remind me that my very existence was to strive. why? if it really was the case, why bother bringing me here?
Gymnastics had always helped me deal with a harsh day but its not working. I am losing my moves faster than I try to get them back. Beam is tough but its always sort of a kind of an ongoing thing that helps me get back to the quality but recently, its failed me. I am too confused to udnerstand what is going on. Everything is falling off my grip and I have been hurt far too badly to take anymore. If i had a choice, I would wish to sit on a beach and smell the sea with only my friends and that the world stood still around me.
maybe its the stress or the fear but I feel I am on the verge of frustration to the point of loss. I fear that I cannot understand fun anymore...
i am packed in plastic; makes my life so fucking fantastic says: i never knew 105 sucks that mmuch hahah neo says: oh haha juz because of today lah i am packed in plastic; makes my life so fucking fantastic says: what happened? neo says: this woman like go scold me coz i was "blocking" her way coz i was holding the rail if i dont hold will fall down rite? then some oth guy purposely go push me coz he thought i purposely block her i am packed in plastic; makes my life so fucking fantastic says: diao hahahha life is fuckign fantastic on some days hahhaha omg see la now i cnt stop laughing lor hahahha walau neo says: haha, i feel damn embaressed then coz she scold damn loud u take 105 now? i am packed in plastic; makes my life so fucking fantastic says: yes i always did hhahhaa lol but yeah thats embarassing stupid woman
AND ANW THAT BLOODY STUPID VIDEO BLOCKED THE STUFF THERE LAH WALAU!
I mean thats how you can do well for art comp right?
i guess it must be but anw, the countdown is like in officially 7 days!
screamsfreakspanics!
HAHAHa. i must be mad
but i guess thats how life is... but today the moves were not entirely good i have to admit. on thurs i am training everything. and treating friday like competition. i am assured i will do properly now, bcos when you reach the end you shld give yr all and not like panic anymore. I am sure that even if II know i am ultimately lousier than other pple in art gym than the nationals and pple that train out of hpps that do better than me. and even if i am lousy, I will tell my self ONLY ONE THING:
ITS NOT ABOUT HOW PEOPLE THINK ABOUT ME... ITS ABOUT HOW I THINK OF MYSELF.
I BELIEVE THAT i WILL DO WELL IF I TRY HARD ENOUGH , WORK OUT MY BEST AND KEEP MY DETERMINATION AND COURAGE UP! BCOS I WILL DO WELL IF I BELIEVE IN MYSELF AND ITS THE TIME TO DO IT NOW. AND BCOS OF THAT, TODAY MY MOVES IMPROVED, like really really improved okay...
i learned front tuck to roundoff backflip to backtuck which is a quadraple connection. and did well for beam and floor today. connected the whole thing, see miracles happen to those that believe not those that try so hard and yet try being worried. if i face it properlu i will do well, I will acheive extraodinary results with a neat and clean routine for evey apparatus. i am gonna work my best for thurs this wk, give my full support to tramp comp tmr, and show the world I am no longer that shaaloow fright in gym anymore and always freaking out in my routines during comp cos I know I am gg to make the most out of friday and do my best!!!(: better than anything I ever tried to be(:
i am niot saying this to make myself believe it but truely I will give my all bcos I know I can acheive greater if I give it all, relax and make it look so bloody confident and make myself look so good that I won't fall and i will definitely succeedxD
with love to all to do well this week(:
Gillian-the new one that will never tuck herself under a shell and fear anymore for she will rise and stand strong to acheive to her fullest potential
truly, pain stops anyone from acheiving what they know they can, its hard really to try and get back what you want when pain has stopped u from trying...its hiding from yr true identity...
why?
u know u can do better but bcos of it, it makes you lose grip on the very things you held on to...
sometimes you wonder if perhaps its trying so hard that makes you lose it.
competition is in 10 days. if i don't make it, I want carnations on my grave and blue roses... if I don't make it through, I just want you to know I will always rmb you, and I will rmb the wonderful times you have been thru with me. every single one of you. my friends my family my coaches my teachers my buddies and best pals
sometimes I think I shld jjust give up right?
but its so hard really.
sometimes occasions tear you up really. its painful and then you don't know what to do about it and it doesn't go away. like when you want it to.
my calf muscles and the bone along the shin hurts like shit! I am sorry readers but i am gonna swear...
FUCK THE HELL OFF YOU BLOODY LEGS STOP GIVING PAIN AND LET ME UNLEASH THE THINGS i CAN DO IN GYM. STOP GIVING ME SO MUCH TROUBLE. COMPETITION IS COMING AND IF YOU ARE NOT WORRIED ANKLES I AM! SO LET ME HAVE A LITTLE RELIEF WILL YOU! GOD DAMN YOU ASS HOLE CALVES, HOW AM I GONNA TRAIN IF YOU KEEP ON GETTING IN THE WAY OF MY FULL POTENTIAL! IF YOU WONT DTOP YR CRAP I CAN'T GIVE IT MY BEST AND MY FLOOR EXERCISE IS SUFFERING DREADFULLY! INEEDABREAKTODOWELLSODON'TYOUGIVEMETROUBLE!!!???
Only You are my strength and tower my source of hope you fill my life with your radiantness you make me understand the meaning of joy and happiness as I stand here in awe of you(:
thanks for being there, you were my best source of help; you were the one who stood by me in the end(: with love, Gillian
Its a good quiz...
Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you. The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true. Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person. The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with? Your views on education
You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job. The right job for you:
You have many goals and want to achieve as much as you can. The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable excess energy. How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying. What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel. Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
This is pretty interesting...
whats it like to ask your mum and then find out that actually...
you had a middle name, a few actually
my full name is actually Gillian Nicolette-Juliet Tan Lisi
if a picture speaks a thousand words, we've been speaking everyday...
I miss all the times we used to play catching, sharks, and whatnot in the sponge pit. I miss playing dog&bone and piggy back-catching as part of training. I miss sitting at the hard tramp with Paul and Mel. I miss climbing up the ropes, getting rope burn, and screaming/laughing as I let myself fall from the top of the rope. I miss laughing for 15 minutes for no reason at all. I miss being awed by Denise's vault routines, Jean's floor routines, Paul's tramp routines, and Jessica's flexibility. I miss not being able to differentiate between Nat and Noey and I miss watching those two twins do random stunts. I miss laughing with Fiona, laughing at Ann, and teasing Jess. I miss telling Melody she's crazy, and I miss Bao's single-toned comments. I miss the seniors leading us during conditioning. I miss the feeling of security with the seniors around. I miss the seniors. I miss Raffles Artistic Gymnastics Team '08 (and '07).
dedicated by Kelly Alexys Tseng its wonderful to know that someone else remembers things I missed too
:'(
I love subway cookies: DOUBLE CHOCOLATE CHIP(: ftwwww I will stuff myself silly till I can't dance nor flip due to an overeating of wonderway subway cookies(:
Do you know what it feels like Loving someone That's in a rush to throw you away Do you know what it feels like To be the last one To know the lock on the door has changed;
'cause if you jump I will jump too we will fall together from the building's ledge never looking back at what we've done we'll say it was love 'cause I would die for you on skyway avenue;
this is from Kelly, my lovely tramp senior. It kind of would be what I would feel when I have lost love, I guess...
but I have some lines to add
that
when you look back on what you have done; you might never have realized the world of regrets you have piled for yourself
when you know you can't turn back; its the part when you can never get back.
its sorrowful but it really brings the meaning, I guess?
this is a little quiz for a day of not sorrows but irritance.
My mum just jumped on me and poked poked poked at everything I did today. just GET BACK AND STOP INTERFERING IN WHATEVER I DO OKAY!!! walau, its like my life not yours ok!!!???
someday i will really move out and i swear move out and maybe MIGRATE FARFARFAR AWAY FROM THE NAG AT HOME!
~ten things i wanna say to anyone i feel like now
GO TO HELL shoo SHUT THE ---- UP! leave me alone stop bothering about whatever i do ok, its my life, remember! thanks for always being there when i was down(: I wanted to be there but I couldn't but i'll pay it back, i promise. its nice to know that you care i wonder if you even know of my existence there is so many things I want you to know... and i will never give up even if it takes you forever to know
~nine things about yourself
I am short(thanks a lot) I do gymnastics, I dance and enjoy shopping i have rebonded hair currently and I am secretly hoping that I could have beautiful curls I hate it when people always try to tell me what to do... I like to have fun and am not always thinking about STUDYING AND MUGGING pls note! I dislike fish I wish i don't have to study I don't want to be tied down by ahemahem people whihc makes me not go for what I want most I like nastia liukin alot.
~eight ways to win my heart
thru my stomach thru my brain thru yr words thru yr song you'll think I would even tell??? you should try a lot harder than ask me no way unless it really is don't be too hard on yourself
~seven things that cross your mind alot
gymnastics dance school work beauty sleep food friends and family
~six things I wished I never did
met certain... people watched some horror movies tried so hard to be friends with some people tried so hard in gym that I fractured my ankle witnessed people dying watching myself try to swim
~five turn-offs
poo other people's menstruation(but I can take blood you know...) smelly vomit spammers people who are backstabbers
~four turn-ons
accomplishments/acheivement in everything friendship family happiness L-O-V-E
~three words to sum up my life
bloody freaking complicated
~two things I won't die until I do
travel all over the world to witness the beauty of life continue to acheive in all fields of my life to my full potential
~one last confession...
welll, I have to say that I have always wanted to be the best but no one is perfect right so if I don't live up to my expectations , I will just ...
kill my self with an overdose of sleeping pills to sleep myself to death with no painxP
as a song I will sum up with from my confession is: a better way to die (:
It sums up what I think is somehow the way I always wanted to die.
a great video about determination and endurance, it should apply to me(:
let me tell you one thing... enough is ENOUGH so you better not mess with me unless you want to DIE. i am telling you now. ENOUGH SPAMS ENOUGH CRAP AND ENOUGH TRYING SO DAMN HARD TO IRRITATE ME! i have OFFICIALLY HAD ENOUGH SO DON'T YOU DARE STEP ON MY TOES OR HEELS ANYMORE OR GET IN MY WAY UNLESS YOU WANT TO DIE!!!??? got that.
i have tried to put things straight I have tried to get everything back and now that you sabotage my plans ruin my life tried to crash everything apart then let me tell you GET OUT OF MY ****ING WAY COS IF YOU DON'T I WILL PERSONALLY GO OVER AND GIVE YOU ONE TIGHT SLAP!
i HAVE TRIED TO ignore everything, tried to get on with my life, tried to avoid. and if you don't stop your ****ING crap, I will HUNT YOU DOWN AND BASH YOU. DONN'T THINK IAM WEAK BECAUSE IF I WANT TO, I WILL DEFINITELY MAKE YOUR LIFE BECOME THE MOST MISERABLE SHIT ON EARTH, YOU heard???
i didnt give a damn or bother about what you did, i stepped away, gave up and let you have yr league but if you try to step all over my head and break me apart and push me over the cliff. i will tell you
I HAD ENOUGH OK YOU BLOODY SHIT, YOU BETTER STOP TRYING TO MESS WITH ME OR YOU WILL GET IT. THATS IT. THATS THE END OF EVERYTHING. IF I TRIED SO HARD AND YOU DECIDED TO DOUBT MY BLOODY ****ING EXISTENCE, I TELL YOU, FROM NOW ON, DON'T YOU DARE TRY ANYTHING ELSE OR one step from here, i will JUST BASH YOU INTO A WALL!
get out off my life and don't mess anymore!
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
THE DAY WHERE THE EARTH TURNED AROUND ALITTLE MORE THAN ITS USUAL(:
well today was better, I have to admit...
we went to the YOG learning centre and its a little coldd, but I could take it anw. Nick, shuen and I had loads of crazy fun playing table tennis and chatting and whatever else so we had an enjoyable time.
and I brought wanshuen's book back today. well I sure learnt alot really through it. all that scheming and planning. hahah, it seems like a good way to settle stuff i guess? but oh wells.
and I went for ttraining today, it was really tiring and I felt sleepy which is pretty scary bcos this wld make you do moves like without concentration and you could... like could... break your ankle. :/
but I acheived two new moves today.(:
worth celebrating yeah. I could like do front tuck to front tuck connected (: and front somer twist 360.yay!
the floor routines were powerful too so I was pretty happy. perhaps some things are starting to turn up well? and bars was good cos I got most of the moves but anw, it was scary honestly the somersault and losing your grip but overall yeah, enjoyable and fun(:
perhaps out of the dark clouds there is a silver lining... but I think I have had enough forgiving, guilt and accusations by now.
this is sooo spasticcc
xD
10) "Because ... I could." This is how President Bill Clinton explained away his "sexual relations with that woman" to Dan Rather on 60 Minutes. Which might explain why he's so supportive of Hillary's new job. The secretary of state travels a lot, right?
9) "Because ... you're too smart." When Billy Bob Thornton left Angelina Jolie, his fifth wife, after an alleged affair with a waitress, he claimed it was out of sheer terror. "I was afraid of her. She was too beautiful for me, she was too smart for me," he told Dateline. "I felt so small next to her. I'm a scared person." Someday, this quote will appear in the Guys-Who-Blew-It Hall of Fame.
8) "I was brain-washed by Kabbalah." Technically, this wasn't Alex Rodriguez's excuse for sneaking around with the Material Mom. It's just the only way the Yankee's wife could explain it. "I feel like Madonna is using mind control over him," she told a friend. "I don't recognize the man he's become. He was a sweet, beautiful, loving husband and father. Today he's very cold and calculating."
7) "I'm special." Senator John Edwards issued a press release regarding his affair with former campaign worker Rielle Hunter. It read: "In the course of several campaigns, I started to believe that I was special and became increasingly narcissistic." Really? You mean those $400 haircuts weren't just your special way of stimulating the economy?
6) "All women look like Rubik's Cubes to me." Pablo Picasso went through women like he went through paintbrushes, and his longtime companion, Dora Maar, was almost driven mad by his infidelity. One night, while cheating on Dora with his lover Françoise, he defended his many affairs with other women by saying, "There's nothing so similar to one poodle dog as another poodle dog, and that goes for women too." He then went on to cheer up Françoise by telling her how fat she looked.
5) "Just doing my job, ma'am." Legendary Jersey boy Jon Bon Jovi claimed in 2006 that "infidelity is part of the job" for a rocker, though it hasn't scuttled his 19-year marriage to karate instructor Dorothea Hurley. "I've had my lapses with other women, sure," he told a reporter. "Welcome to the music business." What he was trying to say was "I'm a jerk."
4) "Umm ... charity?" When Eddie Murphy was busted with a transvestite prostitute in his SUV in 1997 in Hollywood, he claimed he had picked her up because she needed a ride. "It's not the first hooker I've helped out," he told tabloids. "I've seen hookers on corners and I'll pull over, and they'll go, 'Oh, you're Eddie Murphy, oh my God,' and I'll empty my wallet out to help." And by "wallet" he means ...
3) "I forgot the 12th step." It's not that he was addicted to booze or Bolivian marching powder. No. David Duchovny was addicted to love — the intercourse-with-someone-who-is-not-your-wife variety. After a successful 35-day stint in sex rehab, Duchovny reportedly told those close to him that he was ready to tackle some of his other personal demons that no other human could possibly understand ... like his weaknesses for air and water.
2) "I needed the high five." Though he tried to comfort —himself by spending $3,000 a month on Internet porn, Peter Cook, the underappreciated husband of Christie Brinkley, eventually broke down for a real live human: his 18-year-old assistant. What could have kept his libido in check? In a 20/20 interview with Barbara Walters, he said, "A little acknowledgment, a little attention, a little thank-you every now and then for my efforts." What about a puppy? Would a little puppy have helped too?
And the winner is ...
1) "Tonight, honey! I've got a headache!" When Caroline Kennedy opined that Barack Obama would be the kind of president her father was, she didn't say whether that would include a long list of executive affairs. JFK once excused his transgressions to former British prime minister Harold Macmillan by saying that if he didn't enjoy the company of a lady every three days, he got headaches. Just like a politician to put a new spin on the oldest excuse in the book.
really really retarded but it shld help you tell who is good and who isn't(: in guys
Monday, March 9, 2009
i am trying so hard to pick up the shattered pieces of glass that have fallen apart from the flakes of my flesh in my heart but its not working... the shards are unstickable, they break into much more tiny pieces when you try to out them back again, they become small little limp cracks that can never ever be mended...
why? when was it this hard and this painful? nothing is painless until now... i can never get back to my perfect memories? I hate this part right here... its the moment when u realise its broken forever.
so tired of going home to see that almost everyone is against me, so tired of school gym and dance, so tired of being someone i'm not, so tired of living the life people want me to live, so tired of being told what to do alllll the time, so tired of being told i am not good enough and trying to be good enough, so tired of messy friendships, so tired of having to retrieve mended parts of a relationship, so tired of trying ti acheive all the time, so tired of losing a part of me while searching for myself, so tired of frustrations, tears, anger and love.
I am just tired, there is nothing left to say, is there?
I ought to say this: i hate editing templates, its so HARD! ok. it never works at least for me in any case:(
but i think the world is crashing around me recently. events have been taking a toll on me and i am trying so hard to climb out of it but I can't. its hard to decribe really. I am not angry but a little discouraged, i am confused about the things i do. especially for things i don't want to think about. I don't understand why - is ignoring me. everytime, i feel i should just give up...
and in school, the test of friendship is always brought about. its hard to be part of a day without having to go through such harsh torment. I am not to say that i have had no friends by my side since I do have them and they always try to be there for me but its hard to get on with the past. It hurts everytime I think about it.
its not easy to be near smart people. I am consistently brought about clearly and subtly that I am not good enough in sports and school. and my parents are always trying to remind me that my very existence was to strive. why? if it really was the case, why bother bringing me here?
Gymnastics had always helped me deal with a harsh day but its not working. I am losing my moves faster than I try to get them back. Beam is tough but its always sort of a kind of an ongoing thing that helps me get back to the quality but recently, its failed me. I am too confused to udnerstand what is going on. Everything is falling off my grip and I have been hurt far too badly to take anymore. If i had a choice, I would wish to sit on a beach and smell the sea with only my friends and that the world stood still around me.
maybe its the stress or the fear but I feel I am on the verge of frustration to the point of loss. I fear that I cannot understand fun anymore...
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
3 guys.
in skinny jeans.
in red, hot pink and white-black
omg
i can faint NOW RIGHT?!
i am not a saint
Hello, music is the love and I can't live without it because I'd lose my head. I like bright neon colours and city highways
filled with red cars, rainy sunday afternoons and popcorn. I love eating fish but am not a fan of toothbrushes or homework. I hug Snoopy every night and eat cereal for breakfast,
lunch and dinner. I'm also a die-hard fan of Chocolate and Ice-Cream. I'd watch Disney Channel every hour of the day if I could.
voiceless
Tagboard here cbox recommended. Max width 360px if you want this section to look decent.
